ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
