Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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