no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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