I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
