Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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