i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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