Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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