he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize