we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
