...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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