So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
