awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
