I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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