idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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