Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
