i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
