margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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