If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
