Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
