He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
