i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
