I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
