I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
