Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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