I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
im on a boat
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