We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
