you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
