I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
