Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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