I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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