How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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