Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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