dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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