Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
