Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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