ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
