If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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