That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
only you would photoshop your dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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