She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want her autograph on my taint
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
