she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
