Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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