There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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