I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
