about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
