I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
