so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didn't notice because vodka
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
