Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
