If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She bit a glass in half.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
