my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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