So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
