My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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