He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
