You really coming over, don't trick.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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