allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm experimenting with sincerity
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
