Will you blow on my dice?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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