I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
