I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
