dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
