Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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