I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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