I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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