can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
