..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
