I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
