So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
