I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
