she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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