i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize