If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
