I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
