did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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