sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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