I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
