HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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