Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
