If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
