Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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