Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
