It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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